NBA Names: Awash With Ridiculousness

2006-11-13T14:10:00.000-08:00

Here's my take on the names of the teams in the NBA, in the spirit of my brother's lists about team names in pro baseball and hockey and my Dad's article about the NFL's team names. Rather than grouping them the way they did, i just gave individual grades and listed them alphabetically. Enjoy!

Atlanta Hawks - B+ - As it has been said, birds of prey are good candidates for names, since they invoke images of speed, stealth, and ferocity. The fact that the Atlanta Hawks have never been very good does not negate their good name. The only thing that takes away from their name is that it was originally the Black Hawks, taken from the same stupid source as the Chicago hockey team. Mercifully, the Atlanta team was wise enough to lose the Native American imagery.

Boston Celtics - C- - While the Celtic peoples were rather feared for their wildness and ferocity in the middle ages (or so we would believe if we've seen Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves), according to this article, the connection to Boston is apparently that Boston has a "strong Irish ancestry". Lame. Plus, wouldn't people of Celtic ancestry be called "Celts"? We don't refer to a person from Japan as "a Japanese", do we? Names that are actually adjectives are dumb, and so is this one.

Charlotte Bobcats - C+ - Bobcats are fierce and fast, so this one is okay. However, I have a serious issue with the quote given here - that they named it Bobcats because the owner is a "cat named Bob?" Could there be a stupider reason for a name?

Chicago Bulls - B- - A bull definitely has the qualities of strength and power, but it seems that the local connection is more to the meat-packing industry in Chicago. Bulls have strength and power; steaks and burgers do not. Points docked.

Cleveland Cavaliers - C - It's not easy to say what specifically this name refers to, other than this description from NBA.com: ontest winner Jerry Tomko wrote that the Cavaliers "represent a group of daring, fearless men, whose life’s pact was never surrender, no matter what the odds." Okay, but is there some kind of history behind it? No one seems to know. Seems a bit like the Tennessee Volunteers, which I think is also a stupid team name.

Dallas Mavericks - D+ - Is it just me, or does the NBA have some of the worst name origins in sports? The Mavericks were apparently named after a TV series. See this page. A Maverick could probably be seen as a smooth leader or a revolutionary, but these guys are a TV show. Unacceptable.

Denver Nuggets - D - Locally specific, but no one was ever afraid of a nugget. Except maybe the nuggets at McDonalds. Ba-da-bing! Sorry. Nuggets = Loser name.

Detroit Pistons - B- - A mildly acceptable name. Pistons do suggest power, and it's quite specific. Not the best, but better than most of the NBA names we've seen.

Golden State Warriors - B - Warriors is fine. Not locally specific, but a good name for a sports team. Their location name is dumb, though. Why not the Oakland Warriors? Or even the California Warriors if they wanted to be a regionally-named team? Dumb, indeed.

Houston Rockets - A - Houston did well with its name. Rockets are definitely powerful and majestic, and the Houston-NASA connection is pretty obvious. Good job.

Indiana Pacers - C+ - Supposedly "Pacers" is about either horses or cars, specifically the pace car at the Indy 500. So it's not exactly the dumbest name in the NBA. However, they do probably have the dumbest logo in the NBA, possibly in all of sports.

Los Angeles Clippers - C- - This is the first in our list to have a name that lost its significance after the franchise moved. Not that most people would associate "Clippers" readily with San Diego either, but still. Ends up being mildly dumb without the regional problems, and rather dumb with them.

Los Angeles Lakers - D- - A capital offender of the should-have-changed-their-name-when-they-moved group, many are familiar with the story of the Minneapolis Lakers (Minnesota being the Land of 10,000 Lakes or something) moving to L.A. (a distinctly lake-less area) and changing their name to...the L.A. Lakers. Is coming up with a good name for a team really that hard that they couldn't have picked something better? Looking over this list, maybe it's harder than it looks. Yeesh.

Memphis Grizzlies - B- - Another (less-dubious) member of the SHCTNWTMG, Grizzlies was really good in forest-and-mountain-filled Vancouver, but it loses some of its regional significance going to Tennessee. Maybe the Memphis Ribs or something. Mmm, ribs.

Miami Heat - A - I happen to think that team names that don't have an "s" at the end are kind of dumb, for whatever reason. Heat is actually a pretty good name for a team from Miami, so if my only gripe is that it's one of those names that are so prevalent in the Arena Football League and other non-major leagues, then i guess they did pretty well. Still bothers me, though.

Milwaukee Bucks - B+ - Bucks is actually a pretty good name, when you think about it. They may not be the most aggressive creatures, and they may be the hunted and not the hunter in almost every case, but they do have some power to them and certainly some majesty. Not the best of the bunch, but a winner.

Minnesota Timberwolves - A - The only thing bad I can say is that it's kind of bulky (7 syllables is a lot), but shortening the name to the equally fitting T-wolves fixes that. One of the best names - Timberwolves are locally appropriate and fierce, fearsome predators.

New Jersey Nets - F - I read that the Nets picked their name for two reasons, both of which are ridiculous: 1)Nets are an aspect of the game; and 2)It rhymes with two other New York-area team names, the Mets and the Jets. I think all three of those team names just lost a lot of points in my book. Not a strong name to begin with, the Nets head to the cellar for their history.

New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets - A - Hornets may have been better in terms of region-appropriateness when they were in Charlotte, but in New Orleans or Oklahoma City, Hornets is still a good name for a team, suggesting speed and an attacking instinct.

New York Knicks - F - Do i really have to say anything about a team called the Knickerbockers? Really, do I?

Orlando Magic - A- - Like the Heat, this name bothers me a little, but it is a pretty good name. In basketball, being tricky is a good quality, so it works in the NBA. Its association with Orlando and DisneyWorld (the, ahem, Magic Kingdom) works well also. I begrudgingly give it good marks.

Philadelphia 76ers - D+ - Taking a cue from the Ottawa Senators and the S.F. 49ers, Philly's NBA team breaks two rules: First, never name your team after people in government, no matter how regionally-appropriate it may be, and second, never name your team after a group of people who did something in a specific year by using the digits of the year and adding "-ers" to it. Not very impressive, Philadelphia. Not as bad as "Phillies", but still not very good.

Phoenix Suns - A - Suns works for the same reasons that Heat does, except for that in my book it gets extra points for ending with an "s".

Portland TrailBlazers - C - The jury's kind of out on Portland. it gets the regional angle pretty well, but it doesn't add anything that I can tell on the court; maybe they are brave and fearless? Try new things? I guess it could be said that a few years ago, they were brave and fearless when it came to breaking the law, and they tried lots of new things that were illegal. This gave them the nickname "Jail Blazers". Good times. I think it ends up that Trailblazers is a semi-dumb name.

Sacramento Kings - B - In the NHL article, Paul said that Kings works for L.A., so I say it probably works in Sacramento too. It works, on a local angle, perhaps better in California's capital.

San Antonio Spurs - C+ - I think that Spurs is okay, but not terribly great, since a spur is something that forces the issue, so to speak. But it's got the same problem that Pistons does; it doesn't translate well to the court. And they also had that bizarre pastel-striped logo a few years back that really mystified me for a long time. Not that it's related, but still.

Seattle SuperSonics - C- - I read that SuperSonics came from the Boeing corporation, whose headquarters was in Olympia, WA, when the Sonics were picking their name. Apparently Boeing was designing a supersonic jet to compete with the Concorde, and it sounded like a good name for a basketball team (which, incidentally, it kind of is). So they went with it, only to have Boeing dump the project. By that time i guess the area was used to the team being called the Sonics so they stuck with it. The biggest problem with "SuperSonics" is that SuperSonic is an adjective, which violates one of the core tenets of team naming - never give your team a name that is an adjective.

Toronto Raptors - A - Except for the fact that it's not immediately obvious what a raptor is to those who aren't palentology nerds or Jurassic Park fans, Toronto picked an excellent name for their team. Raptors invoke images of fast, deadly, scary predators, overwhelming even larger animals with their speed and cunning.

Utah Jazz - F- - The very worst of the infamous SHCTNWTMG, there are few places where the name "Jazz" is less appropriate than Salt Lake City. Throw in the fact that "Jazz" is a pretty stupid name in and of itself and you've got one of the worst names in sports.

Washington Wizards - B+ - Similar in application to the Magic, the Wizards are an acceptable mascot for a basketball team that might not work as well for other sports. Their old name, the Bullets, may have been more fearsome, but it carried a poor enough connotation that they went with Wizards a few years ago - a solid upgrade. Wizards is fine.

Well, there you have it. I would say that the Rockets, Timberwolves, and Heat have the best names, and the Jazz, Knicks, and Nets have the worst. What do you think? Feel free to comment here or on the original post back on eFaithFarm.com.

My Linux Desktop

2006-01-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

This is actually my Linux desktop on the notebook on my desk, and not my new Dell. The Dell doesn't have Linux loaded yet, so there are no screenshots to take. Anyway, enjoy!

Christmas Listage!

2005-11-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

It Couldn't Be...

2005-06-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

...an actual use for this blog? In case you couldn't tell, i'm strongly considering using this space as a way to display all my pictures. Still, it may end up that i find a better use, or perhaps a better way to display my pictures, and the Useless Blog may revert to being Useless again. Stay tuned...

So Much For Usefulness

2005-06-09T07:21:00.000-07:00

Looks like this blog's name is accurate again. Last week i went to HaloScan and put their script into the 'Farm, which made the whole "use-this-blog-for-comments" deal pretty obsolete. So, i suppose i'll keep trying to figure out a good use for this blog. Either that, or i'll just give up and accept the fact that i have a fully Useless Blog.

It's not such a bad thing...

A Reason To Use This Blog

2005-05-24T13:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, i guess if i'm going to keep this thing around, i might as well make it useful. Here's the deal: Since i disabled the comment feature at the 'Farm, you can feel welcome to use this site to comment on the other site. I know it's kind of a mess, but it's all i can think of in terms of a use for this silly blog. Have fun commenting!

PS: By the way, if you want to post comments, you may have to sign up for a blog like i did. I'm working on fixing that, so hang in there...

Why You Should Go To My Real Website Instead

2005-05-17T07:06:00.000-07:00

REASON #1: I am not going to update this site in any way that would come close to resembling "occasionally".

REASON #2: My real website, www.efaithfarm.com, is much spiffier and more fantabulous.

REASON #3: The words i used to describe efaithfarm.com in reason #2 may not even be real words.

REASON #4: It's just not worth the effort for me to try to attend to two blogs. So i'm not going to do it! Just email me instead if you want to make a comment. Click here! There ya go.

It's settled then. Just go to www.efaithfarm.com and try to forget that this blog exists. Unless i change my mind later.